It’s an uncomfortable reality for so many of us as we look to be in a relationship with someone. Our requirements may be unconsciously stemming from old emotional patterns within our psyche. Those patterns may have been formulated in early childhood, during puberty, or even from our ‘first love’. Each time we grow into a new relationship, we hope that we have learned enough from the sum of our previous experiences to say that we are prepared to reap the harvest of our true partner. Unfortunately, if unfinished business still resides within your mind and heart, it will eventually surface in the new relationship.

Recently one of my clients came to me with this same trouble. She had recently found a wonderful new relationship, or shall we say it found her. Everything was going so well, they were getting to know each other and really felt committed to each other. Then, it happened. She started getting angry. She had a sharp edge to her voice and was quick tempered with people. It was like she had her ‘claws out’. She was so happy- what could be wrong?

Well, she was happy. She was so happy in fact, that she was feeling safer than she had in years. That’s a good thing, right?

Of course it is. It means that the safety made her feel comfortable enough to let down the walls around her heart and the old heart wounds were starting to pour out- all over the place. She was safe enough to allow herself to be vulnerable. In that vulnerability she had given herself permission to let go of the old pain, hoping to make way for the new love her heart was beginning to feel for her partner. It was a wonderful step forward!

What happened next? When we talked about her anger and we made the connection that she was protecting some very old pain and wounding, she began to drop the anger and connected to the sadness. She went through a period of grieving and during that time, was able to talk with her partner about the old wounding. It actually resulted in bringing them closer together. They had crossed a threshold in their relationship, taking it to a new spiritual level. Now, they both feel as if they are headed toward a true partnership.

How did they get this far? They trusted each other. They also trusted in themselves enough to know that the old wounding was in fact something very old. They are able to bear witness to the pain as it was being released, and it made the bond between them stronger, knowing they could unite in the face of grief and pain.

It opened the door into their hearts a little wider because they were healing consciously.

What steps do we take to find a true partner?

We start with our self. Until we can be a true partner to our own feelings, we do not know how to be a partner to someone else.

If we are not willing to face our own vulnerability and our past wounds, how can we face them in another?

True partnership is not all champagne and roses. It’s not stories about soft fuzzy bunnies and breakfast in bed every morning. True partnership is about being there for another person during their high times and even their low times. It is about being real with your self and with the other person. We all have emotional patterns, some leftover baggage and none of us wake up out of bed with perfect hair and makeup. We are human beings living human experiences. Finding someone who will be a true partner to you in that reality means facing that same reality in yourself first. In other words, be a true partner to your self in order to be a true partner to another. Then you will be open to allow that partnership to find you.

Article © 2005 by Jaelin K. Reese. Article taken from •about.com•

In relationships, we have the opportunities to develop a deeper sense of ourselves through the mirror of our partner. If you have a generous, loving partnership, then you are possibly learning lessons related to creating a generous and loving relationship with your inner self as well. If you are in an abusive relationship, are you seeing the mirror of your relationship with your self?

We have the tendancy to repeat certain patterns in our relationships. It seems we take the best and the worst within ourselves and project it into the container that is our relationship. We use the relationship as a testing ground.

However, when we go through changes or life transitions, it may put additional stress on the partnership by having little time for each other, being agitated and upset, etc. One person in the relationship isn't experiencing change, they both are. If one person in the mirror changes, then the other will reflect that change. These may be positive changes or can be a stirring up of old issues that haven't yet been healed or released.

In a partnership, we partner through change as well as through stability. Life is constantly changing around us and our ability to remain flexible and grow together make for a stronger spiritual relationship.

Choosing to look in the mirror of our partner, you see aspects of yourself that may be ready for transformation or release. Is there something that irritates you about your spouse? Is there a common argument that you have? Do you share similar views on many things, but have a particular stuck point on one subject?

Instead of leaping first to blame or lash out at your partner, look into the mirror and see what is there for you to see. Is there something attempting to get your attention? Are you faced with this same theme over and over again? Is there a deeper issue regarding change that you're avoiding or overlooking?

Change itself can be a scary experience for some. In partnerships, change can feel threatening to the solid foundation or nest that you have built together. When one partner is undergoing deep internal changes, the other may feel left out, neglected, no longer connected and unappreciated. If that partner refuses to reflect upon the mirror that he/she is presented with, and chooses not to undergo changes as well, the mirror becomes out of balance. There is no longer a reflection of each other. One person has changed more than the other is willing to change. This is when struggle appears in the relationship.

In a spiritual relationship, partners consciously work through these changes, each partner facing their inner feelings, looking in the mirror to see that which is ready for transformation. A spiritual relationship as such requires tremendous courage for both partners, trusting that the other will continue to transform and flow with the changes along with you. Any relationship requires courage and trust. Communication is a necessary aspect of partnership and courage is most valuable. Stepping up to the plate and facing yourself in the mirror everyday can be exciting, thrilling and challenging. Allowing it to be something you face together every day is powerful and is the cornerstone of a spiritual partnership.

Article © 2005 by Jaelin K. Reece. Article taken from •about.com•

 

1. Embrace Your Talents
Recognize and further develop your intelligence and special gifts. Our talents are signifiers that lead us toward our unique paths. Follow your passion and you will soon discover where you fit in this world. When we squelch innate yearnings we lose our way.

2. Tie Up Loose Ends
Unresolved issues eat away at us emotionally and mentally. Tackle troubling things that need dealt with and put them to rest. In the meanwhile, learn not to allow future problems to be ignored. Our wounds fester when they are not attended to in a timely manner. Realize that buried problems always surface eventually. Dealing with difficulties as they arise rather than hiding from them is the best route.

3. Be Responsible in Your Relationships
Turn away from the "blame game" when it comes to addressing problems in your relationships. Be honest about the things that you have said or done that harmed the relationship. Own up to your own failures. Focus on changing your defeating patterns rather than expecting changes from the other person.

4. Love Sometimes Means Saying Goodbye
Not all relationships are meant to last forever. We sometimes out grow our partners, or our partner goes off in a direction which makes us struggle to stay in step with. Sometimes, the most responsible thing you can do is to offer love and compassion to the person as you release the relationship.

5. Let Go of Useless Attachments
If a thing no longer serves a purpose in your life, it is clutter. Clutter can be a physical thing or a belief that blocks your path. Holding on to things that don't feed you will instead eat up your energy. Free your space and expand your energy by getting rid of unwanted gifts, broken or useless items, self-defeating mental images, etc.

6. Confront Your Inner Demons
Everyone makes mistakes or regrets past decisions. Exposing our frailties and recognizing that we are not perfect frees us from feeling stupid or "less than." Bring light to those things that you are not proud of and realize that through these experiences you have learned great lessons, and have likely become a better person for them. Keeping negative actions hidden can overshadow our spirits with shame or depression. We all deserve to live with joy regardless of our imperfections.

7. Accept Change - Go with the Flow
There is a fine line between caution and fear. We are meant to travel along a spiritual pathway. We are not meant to remain stunted in one place for very long. Yes, change can be scary. But, change is a path of learning, so why not follow it? When we resist change we can actually create chaos. Do you want to undertake a lesson down a path which you've chosen, or have lessons thrown at you down a path that was forced upon you?

8. Accept Delays
There are times when we need to be still. Impatience or frustration will not help any situation. Desired changes sometime take time to unfold. You may feel like you are ready to jump into a new arena... but wait. The situation or person that you are wanting to meet may not be ready for you just yet. It's okay to sit at the bus stop for a few more minutes, the bus will arrive eventually. What's the hurry?

9. Love and Honor Yourself
Are you taking good care of yourself? Your physical body is the vehicle that has been loaned to you to live out your life in and to assist growing your spirit with. Pamper your body, tend to your illnesses, exercise and give it the proper nutrients.

10. Dealing with Death and Illness
Physical life is a gift that comes with a variety of experiences. Suffering and illness are bundled in with that package of experiences. Although our bodies have expiration dates, our spirits don't expire. Choosing to look at illness and death in positive ways rather than negatively will help to give your life here on the planet deeper meaning.

© 2006 by Phylameana lila Desy. Article taken from •about.com•

 

Relationships never come easy. There is always work involved, and it depends on the two people on how they want to work their way round.

I went to see the university Chaplain to talk about this issue, as Christians are often dealt with more issues in relationships compared to the rest.

We have to deal with the love of each other, and also bearing in mind God’s love for us.We also have to understand that whatever we do we have to honour God’s will.

The Chaplain gave me these pointers:

-Have regular prayers with your partner. Try to make time to pray at least once a week, and let Him guide you to where He wants this relationship to go to.

-Pray day and night individually to ask God to speak to you, to ask Him to guide you on what He wants you to bring into the relationship.

-Two people in the relationship can have very different understandings about God. Talk to each other about your differences and understand where each other is coming from. If possible, write down your differences and understanding, look it up and talk about it. Have theological discussions if you can. 5 years down the road, you might not agree with each other still, but at least you understand.

-Faith in God. Always have faith that He is there to guide you, no matter how small they are.

-If possible, have a church that you can worship together. Some place where you can be nurtured and be guided by God.

I don’t know about you, but I find these pointers pretty good. In a relationship we often find it hard to focus on where we are heading with our relationship. We are often bogged down by issues like personal motivation, parental involvement, personality clashes that we are too busy solving these issues and we forgot about God totally.

However God’s love is the ultimate love that we should seek for, as He created us along with everything else. He is always there for us, in His own subtle ways.
Sure He gave us good and evil, and until today even theologians can’t understand why they happen. However one thing that doesn’t fail is: His love for us.
Remember that only God’s love is perfect. Sorry to say that not even our parents’ love are.

I remember attending a Christian talk and the speaker said: “We humans are a leaky tank. Our water of love is never filled. However God’s tank is always full. As our human tanks of love is never full, we seek love elsewhere, yet the more you seek the more leakages you’d experience. But if you continue to seek God’s love, His tank of love is so full that He’ll so much abundance for you.”

It made sense to me really..

SO remember to honour God in everything that you do..

Proverbs 3: 5-6 :

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

by Sabrina Tan. •Source Article•

 

I often notice people becoming uptight when we begin discussing the issue of trusting God with relationships. This is because they equate trust in God with passivity. But since when did "trusting God" mean "do nothing?" We're all rather attached to eating, right? But do we sit at home waiting for meals to come to us? No, we work to purchase food. Similarly, if you want the job, you apply for the job. If you want to get involved in your church, you show up at the small group. And if you want to get married, you take initiative with members of the opposite sex by building healthy relationships with them and either pursuing or being open to pursuit.

This doesn't mean just go out and pursue anyone and everyone. From a female perspective, I can say that this is perhaps one of the most odious patterns we observe in single guys. The guy who is clearly not discerning in his choice of date but employs a shotgun approach. One time I turned down a guy's invite to accompany him to a party because I already had plans. Thirty minutes later he called back and asked my roommate to the same party. I'm sure his intentions were pure, but his actions gave the impression that it mattered little to him which girl he took.

However, if you want to get married and the Lord has clearly (or possibly) put a godly woman in your life, do something about it. My friend Jacob is a missionary in Europe. He met Amber when he first moved there three years ago, and their paths continued to cross. One night a group got together to watch a movie, and Jacob looked at Amber sitting next to him on the couch and thought, Why have I never considered her? Wow. She’s a godly woman. They began dating and last month he proposed to her during a team trip to Paris. They'll marry in January.

Women often feel they are completely powerless. But they may not realize that their negative perceptions of the guys who are not asking them out may be keeping those very guys away. One male friend described this attitude as "poison." I had to confront this attitude in myself several years ago:

    My mom recently asked, "So what are you looking for in a guy these days?"

My reply was, "I'm not sure, but I know what I'm not looking for." This statement reveals a critical attitude that on further consideration I believe is unbecoming of a Christian woman. Regardless of whether these men are potential mates, I should be considering how I can spur them on to love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24). As I allow God to replace judgment and criticism with openness and love, I will be nurturing characteristics valuable in a marriage relationship.

Women, do your very best to be receptive to every guy who shows interest. It doesn't mean you have to say yes to every date. It does mean that you treat men with respect and choose to look for the best in them. It may also mean being open beyond your comfort zone. I'm not talking undisciplined vulnerability here. I'm suggesting Christian women not rely on worldly dating games, such as playing "hard to get." Certainly you will make yourself unattractive if you throw yourself at the guy, but staunchly refusing to ever reciprocate signs of interest may discourage him. These tendencies are often based in pride: It's his job to pursue ME. I deserve to be pursued. What you mean is "I deserve to be pursued in the way I THINK a man should pursue me."

A lot of healing needs to take place between the sexes. I will address this more in my next blog. We should be the aroma of Christ to one another. Trusting God with relationships does not mean sitting at home and never interacting with the opposite sex. It means deliberately walking the straight path, keeping your eyes open to the possibilities.

Article by Suzanne Hadley. •Source Article•

 

Please check out these articles for additional information on how to make God a part of your life of love.

•Devotional: How to Be Grateful for Your Relationship•
•Weekly Relationship Devotional•
•Applying God's Love to All Our Relationships•