So it didn't work out. It's really not the end of the world. Nor must you become a psycho hose beast. Sometimes people aren't meant to jive together. Read on for ways to beat Ben & Jerry's and get on with your life.
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How to Survive if you run into your Ex
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Running into your ex at a party (or anywhere) can be problematic for many reasons: lingering affection, pain over being dumped, unresolved emotions, passionate memories, or poor selection of your current date.1. Do not avert your gaze. Look him in the eye and smile. Shying away from eye contact only diminishes your power. Keep someone's gaze and keep control.2. Be nice.3. Do not sit. Do not let yourself get stuck in a corner or a couch with your ex. Remain standing and be ready to move.4. Take charge of the conversation. Start by mentioning something that you noticed earlier in the day. This keeps the dialogue fresh and superficial and in your control, and helps you to avoid complimenting or talking about the ex. Be upbeat -- enthusiasm is a handy tool. Breezing by someone indicates you are not fazed or upset.5. Introduce your date and send clear signals that this is who you are with now. Touch your date as you converse with your ex, making it clear that you have moved on.6. Keep your conversation short and sweet. Tell your ex that you are "meeting friends," but that it was nice to see him. Or, tug your date's arm and say, "Oh look, there's Sally. I want you to meet her."7. Move on.Jennifer Worick, Joshua Piven & David Borgenicht
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| BREAKUP PARAPHENALIA |
{ BREAKUP MUSIC }Music supposedly soothes the savage beast... And appropriately here is some music that will help you get over the beast that was your boyfriend...PHASE 1 - The First MonthThese are perfect songs for the first month when your stomach turns whenever you think of him, you jump every time the phone rings and you just plain don't feel like getting out of bed!
Desperado - The Eagles You Were Mine - The Dixie Chicks Hard Habit to Break - Chicago Was It Something I Didn't Say? - 98 Degrees How Am I Suppose To Live Without You - Michael Bolton Back Here - BB Mack Don't Speak - No Doubt How Can You Mend a Broken Heart - The Bee Gees November Rain - Guns 'n Roses Think of Me - Andrew Lloyd Weber Time Falling Down - Cindy Alexander The Hardest Thing - 98 Degrees Missing - Everything But The Girl Love Of My Life - Queen |
| PHONE A FRIEND |
The Ex Factor: How Your Friends Help You Survive a BreakupIt's Saturday night. You're home, on your third glass of wine, staring hopelessly into a pint of cookie dough ice cream, wishing that something (anything!) would numb this post-breakup pain. Betcha feel like the saddest girl in the world, huh? But just think how much sadder things would be if you were back with your ex ‑- a guy who is so unworthy of your greatness. Says who, you ask? Says Greg Behrendt, coauthor of last year's hit He's Just Not That into You, and his wife, Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. In their new book, It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: A Smart Girl's Breakup Buddy, they show you why you absolutely must put down that tub of Häagen-Dazs and pick up the phone. No, not to call him. To call your friends. Yes, these are the good people who are going to help you get over your heartache and get back in the game.You may not have him, but you have something far more valuable right now ‑- your friends. "Great. And my health, right? Oh, I'm so lucky." We know it sounds corny, but having good friends to call on will get you through the heartbreak you're feeling more quickly than you thought. Their love and companionship can be a beacon during your darkest hours ‑- but believe us when we say that those beacons can go out. You want to take care of your friendships during this time, even as they are taking care of you. When you're on the other side, there's nothing worse than ending the relentless chatter of the breakup-obsessed friend who doesn't listen to your or take your advice. Here's the thing to remember about your friends: They want you to be happy. They want you to be a in a good, loving, and healthy relationship that inspires you to be the best you can be, not one that is difficult and painful. What's more, your friends can see your ex and your relationship for what it was ‑- warts and all ‑- and they probably aren't buying the rewritten version of the perfect love that you're pining over.Six months from now, when you are in a completely different emotional space (if not already in a better relationship), you'll want to look back on this time and feel good about the way you behaved with the people around you. You won't want visions of Lily Taylor singing "Joe Lies" and bumming out everyone at the party while her friends exchange uncomfortable glances. (If you haven't seen Cameron Crowe's film Say Anything, run, don't walk, to the video store. But don't wait for your ex to show up on your lawn with a boom box ‑- it's just a movie.)We know... your friends are always supposed to be there, but for the love of God, give them a break and stop talking about your ex for one minute! We all have those tapes that play in our head ‑- what are they called? Oh yeah, thoughts. But some of them are meant just for you. You don't have to share every single one of them. In fact, stop listening to yourself! If you pay attention to your negative thoughts, you're only affirming their validity. Those thoughts are like a bratty child ‑- if you pay attention to the bad behavior, it only encourages a bigger tantrum. We say this with the greatest measure of love and empathy, but take a step back and try to understand why you need to make a conscious effort not to subject your friends to endless questions, endless tears, and endless analysis during this time. It's one thing to get dumped by a guy, but it's another to get dumped by your friends, because they won't even have breakup sex with you.You're great and your friends all know it. They're on call, ready and wiling to help you get over that loser who wasn't right for you. However, right now you are stuck in the Melancholy Vortex of your breakup. It's an uber-powerful trap that sucks you in and blinds you to all the bad, unhealthy, crapola times that were so glaring in your relationship, and it only plays back loops of the best moments, thus obliterating your sense of why it didn't work out. It's like A Clockwork Orange. You're figuratively stuck in that chair with your eyes held open by those weird eyelash-curler contraptions while movies of the two of you in your happiest times flash through your brain to classical music or Coldplay. Your friends, on the other hand, are saying, "Hey there, Hot, Smart, Happening Lady, why don't you stop strapping yourself into that chair and come sit with us?" And the reality of it is that if you don't start actually listening to them and taking their advice, your friends will tire of you. Open your mind to what they have to say, and whatever you do, DON'T blame them for pointing out your ex's less-than-admirable qualities, or trying to give you a reality check about your less-than-perfect relationship. That's what they're there for ‑- to help you get up out of that chair and start moving on. In return, you need to set a time limit on how long you're going to dwell on the past. Try setting the limit at eight weeks. If after eights weeks you still need to talk about it constantly, seek professional help and let your friends off the hook. Or talk to your dog. All the dog hears is "blah, blah, blah..." which ‑- take it from us ‑- is what you are starting to sound like to your friends.Article by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola Behrendt |
| FORGET YOUR EX |
1. throw out everything that reminds you of them-give the stuff to charity.
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| DO'S & DON'TS AFTER GETTING DUMPED |
Most of you are going to do better during the day than you do at night, particularly the later at night it gets. You've probably already noticed this phenomenon. It's just true that the wee hours are harder and we're going to have to work with that. One simple but beautiful thing to remember is that no matter how bleak the middle of the night seems, dawn is on its way and can't be stopped.Whether or not you should contact him in general is a larger issue, but it's never a good idea to call him in the middle of the night. (For these purposes, the middle of the night is any time from 11pm to 8am.) I think I may be too old to think of email as a way of conveying urgent emotion. Or, more likely, it's just that I got married before I even had a personal email account. However, I try to stay hip to what's happening, especially with my friends, and I know there's a lot of emailing going on out there that is romantic and even heartbroken in nature. And I think that's totally cool. Writing can be very therapeutic, and often it's easier to convey your thoughts when someone is not interrupting you every two seconds. So if you find yourself in the middle of the night writing out a ton of thoughts to your ex via email, you are not entirely in the wrong. In fact, write your heart out. The key is, DO NOT PRESS "SEND." Print the email in question and put it in the "Send Later" bin. Sure, you can reread your email a million times and edit it to perfection, but your judgment this late at night and this hurt is not 100 percent no matter what the tequila is telling you. You can do yourself zero, nada, no harm by holding on to your electronic missive until you've managed to sleep a few hours and look at it again and/or have had the chance to read it to a friend. This is like the "don't call him" situation only ten times more horrible. It's upsetting me just thinking about you dragging your bed-head self over to his house and standing there in front of his door, sad and only about to get sadder. It's not even that I care that he's going to think you are a psycho and tell all his friends about your "visit," it's just that this kind of behavior means that you aren't loving yourself as much as you should. This is flawless operating procedure. When you think you might call him, especially if it is already pretty late at night, you must call a friend instead. If that friend isn't home or is asleep, call someone else and keep going until you get someone on the phone. You might hesitate to ask this kind of favor from a friend, but believe me it is much, much better than going to his house or going for a walk. If you are feeling really low, you will probably feel better lying on someone else's couch watching TV (particularly if she has premium cable), even if she's gone back to bed. It's wise to call in advance so your friend knows that you are en route and you know that she is home (alone). Write your ass off on paper. If you feel you have to write email style, as I've covered, print it out but do not send it. Write through your tears. Curse him out. Tell him what you really think of his family. Yeah, you faked it, he's small, whatever. This is your time to completely lash out and let down your guard. This is an excellent exercise. And maybe you will eventually hit the "send" button or drop the letter in the mail. But do not even think about doing that until you've gotten some sleep and reread it, and/or read it to a friend who really is your ally and have been given the okay by him or her. |
| OTHER HELPFUL ARTICLES |
Please check out these articles ways to help you make it through:•Surviving the Breakup of a Relationship••The Top Ten Ways to Survive a Breakup Without Breaking Down• •How to Survive a Breakup After Ending a Relationship (eHow)• |